When I was younger, I believed that being happy was entirely conditional. If it was too cold out, or someone treated me poorly, or any number little things was off in my world, unhappiness was a given. How could I possibly be happy when I had to deal with . I was a bit of a turbulent tornado of emotion, with changes to my mood coming on as suddenly as a severe summer storm. Sadly, while nearly anything could flip my switch from happy to unhappy, not even a master electrician could figure out how to un-trip that breaker! It wasn’t necessarily that I wanted to be unhappy, I just found myself too easily impacted by things outside of my control, while paradoxically I was unable to hold power over things I could control. I couldn’t control the situations happening to me, nor could I control my response to said situations. It seemed to me that the glass was too often half-empty because someone else had drank my dang lemonade — after I had made an at least half-hearted attempt to make it out of the lemons I was given in place of oranges! Oh, woe was me.
Conditional happiness.
As I aged and matured, my steadfast view of happiness shifted incrementally. Each passing year brought an increased ability to find joy and shrug off more of the little stuff. Finding faith and pursuing greater emotional growth has had a tremendous impact on my happiness. My view shifted from believing my happiness is conditional, to believing it can be unconditional.
However, I now believe my happiness IS conditional. No, I have not flip-flopped back to an old toxic mindset but have actually gained greater insight into myself and what it takes to make me happy. While I cannot deny or even underplay the role my faith has had in my ability to manage my emotions, to find joy in the darkest of days, I also cannot underplay another significant factor: ME.
No measure of faith, no beautiful sunny day, no laughter of a child can bring me joy if I do not agree to be joyful. If a cloud passes over the sun (or the sun is too bright), I could suddenly find myself in a fowl mood. However, I am not a powerless person, and I do not want my mood to be blown about by my emotions like a kite in a breeze. I have found that no matter how great the day is, I can agree with unhappiness, and no matter how terrible the day, I can find a reason to smile. So you see, while I have no control of the emotions that pass through me on a given day, I DO have the power to decide how greatly they will affect me.
My happiness IS conditional…on me!
Kyla