I can’t imagine having a family that large.
You must be busy!
Toddlers to preteens, are you crazy?
You must be such a good mom.
I don’t know how you do it.
I think I probably encounter one (or more) of the above statements on a weekly basis. If there is a week I have not heard something along those lines, I probably have not left the house. No, really. When I hear these light comments, my various replies are usually pretty generic. A quick, even glib response that underplays the complexity of my fairly unique parenting situation. A casual laugh, maybe a comment about the help and support we have. Maybe a quick description of the age range of the kids and the benefits that provides. The truth, the full and honest truth… if only you knew. I’m not even sure I can fully tell you in writing because the truth is rich and deep, complex and simple all at once.
Life in a family with 2 adopted children (11 and 13), 3 biological children (age 2, 7, and 5), and a fourth biological child on the way, is a little like a mixed media abstract painting. You may or may not love the style of art, at first glance this particular piece may even look a little tacky. The general first appearance is overwhelming; so many colours, so much going on! There are even parts of the picture where it appears as though the artist has made a clumsy brushstroke. On closer inspection however, the painting is beautiful. A fascinating blend of complex and simple, where even the most basic elements play off each other to create a deeper, more beautiful image. The composition, and when the artist chose to add certain elements may be contrary to what is commonly considered “best practice.” In an undefinable way the work is even a little messy, but, it just works.
I think sometimes my responses to the superficial comments may be little more than a quick superficial return because the truth of my life, of anyone’s life, can’t be answered or explained in a quick shallow conversation. We all throw out our cliche questions and comments out of habit. Ultimately, we want to connect with each other, even if it is only for a moment. Sometimes that passing moment is all we have to give, and that is okay. While it is true that certain elements of my life may attract a few more fun comments, at the core of it all don’t we all share some feeling of If only you knew?
If only you knew the struggles I have with: my child, my spouse, my friend, my parent; my identity, my confidence, my relationships, my job, my faith.
If only you knew the joy I find in: my marriage, my hobby, my sport, my work, my children, my faith, my crazy life.
If only you knew, you’re not the only one with this struggle.
If only you knew you are never alone.
If only you knew.
Kyla