I love my life. I really do, but to be perfectly honest, life is hard sometimes, isn’t it? Do you ever have one of those really tough days (or series of days!) that make you feel desperately inadequate for the life you’re living? Days when nothing is enough, not
…your kids
…your spouse
…you.
The rough days and nights when a lie tries to sneak in and say even your God is not enough. On the late nights that come after long days do you ever sit there with a cooling cup of tea (or some other beverage), hoping and praying for a break? Just a moment’s respite from these days that feel so incredibly hard? Do you ever stop and think, I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS! Those lonely moments may be short, they may be few and far between, but they have been present in my life a time or ten.
To be perfectly honest, I have had full seasons where those rough days came with greater frequency than I would like as I, or someone very dear to me, go through a tough time. Injury and illness, new stages of life, traumatic past events that demand healing and grace, mental health struggles, financial woes; these are just a few of the challenging situations that can nearly blindside a person and their loved ones.
While feeling shocked and overwhelmed by whatever adversity is plaguing me, I know I have thought: I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS! But you know what? I DID ask for this. Now, I do not mean I literally asked for it, or even “asked” for it by making poor choices, as if I in some twisted way deserve it. I also do not think God has given me hardship in answer to prayers. No. I do not believe God is a punisher, or some slightly bitter and fearful Father sending struggle our way “for our own good.”
However, I DO believe that when adversity comes, God can and will use it to answer prayers. As a believer, I do not want to live from miracle to miracle. Hoping and praying God will “take this cup”from me, rescue me and redeem every mistake or struggle without my partnership.
And you see, there it is.
I DID NOT ask for hardship and challenge, but I DID ask for strength.
I DID NOT ask for challenging decisions, but I DID ask for wisdom.
I DID NOT ask to be wounded, rejected, or betrayed by someone I would give my life for, but I DID ask that He help me to love like He loves.
I DID NOT want to make mistakes in judgement that cause myself and others pain, but I DID ask for wisdom and discernment.
I DID NOT ask to pay for someone else’s mistakes, but I DO want to become more like Him.
We may not ask for the hardships; the rejections, the failings, the losses; and I do not believe God gives us the hard things. I do believe He is allows struggles to come that will strengthen and refine us. I believe He gives us the freedom to make choices, and at times those choices are not in our best interest. I also believe He is there, ready to partner with us to allow us to grow into the person He created us to be. We will all face challenges and dark days. The question is, what will we do with them? Will we push on, pursuing a better way, a more mature self; or will we be content to go around the same mountain, the same way, for the 40th time? Or the 400th time?
I do not revel in hard times. I do not seek to be broken in order to be made stronger. I dread the struggle as much as anyone; except for one thing. Not once have I gone through a difficult season without some measure of personal growth or revelation. I have learned far more about God in a single day as He has partnered with me in my pain than I have in 100 good days. He is with me always, but I am more keenly aware of it when I need Him the most. He has shown Himself to me in a variety of ways; sometimes in a bit of knowledge I need to properly navigate a parenting dilemma, at times it was a new relationships or new layers in existing relationships, and at other times it has been outright blessings of finances or needed items. I thank God for all He has done in my life, but especially for how He has shown Himself to me in the midst of my pain.
When nothing and no one is enough,
He is.
I might not have asked for the challenges, but I am thankful for them all the same. The pressures of life could break me, or they could turn me into a diamond. With Him, I know which I will be.
Sparkle sparkle.
Kyla
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